Ghost Story Competition Entry (Part One)

So a few months ago I entered a ghost story writing competition, and now I found out I didn't win (didn't even come close) I am allowed to post it online for you all to see and this is it, I will be posting it in parts because its pretty long and with all the possibilities on the internet and needing to check twitter every 5 minutes I know your focus is pretty small.


Black Eyes (Part One)

Moving to a new house is never quite like you would expect. it’s not like in the movies where you sit in the car and look out the window with a meaningful glance to all your friends who have taken the time to see you off, and that look on your face just kind of says it all and sums up your friendship perfectly.
Well sadly my life is not a classic eighties movie and my goodbye did not have perfect musical accompaniment and a guy who appears at the last minute running up and saying he loves me and pleading with me not to go because we are soul mates and meant for each other, then by some perfect twist of fate it turns out I don’t have to leave and we live happily ever after. Roll credits.
No, that is not my life.
So if that is the sort of thing you were hoping for then I suggest you stop reading right now, get on your computer and buy all John Hughes movies you can from amazon and leave this story behind.
Well there was no classic ending to my story, I left my house in the middle of the night, my mum came in my room to wake me up, although I wasn’t really sleeping, after another night of my dad knocking her from room to room in a drunken rage she had told me she finally had enough, I was strangely laid back about the whole situation maybe the walls I had built as a child were still up and protecting me just like they always had, or maybe I didn’t believe  my mother would really do it and we would just drive a down a couple streets and sleep in the car, I don’t know and the heartless protective walls around my emotions wouldn’t let me care.
As my mother threw our cases in the boot of the car I walked around my side of  the car to get in just as my dad stumbled out of the front door and down the path, I could see neighbours curtains twitch and a few stepped out to see our circus act. Ladies and gentleman feast your eyes on the suburban domestic abuse double act.
My dad started shouting “YOU’LL NEVER FIND ANYONE, WHO WOULD WANT YOU. YOU’RE NOTHING; YOU’D BE NOTHING WITHOUT ME!”  more neighbours started to step out on their porches just out of some kind of morbid curiosity, help didn't exist on our street nobody took a step further, I can’t say I blame them I wouldn't want to jump in to this mess, I got in the car and shut the door I didn't want to hear anymore, I didn't want anything in that moment except to be anyone else but me. After some more shouting back and forth that I couldn't quite make out as thankfully the old car muffled the sounds of the screaming, I had heard it all before I recited this argument in my head like a familiar old song  I knew so well, my mum eventually climbed in the car and started to drive. We drove in silence for about an hour when we had some distance between us and what used to be our life, I shivered inside as I looked over at my mother’s face it was covered in bruises, a fresh one across the bridge of her nose was cut and bleeding heavily on one side and was dripping down her cheek and on to her shirt.
I wanted to say something supportive or caring, anything that a daughter should say in a situation like this but all I could say was "that's going to stain your shirt" as soon as I said it I wish I had just stayed silent. She didn't respond, who would respond to that anyway, I'm glad she didn't dignify that with a response. I decided that it would be best to just shut up for the rest of the journey, but apparently my mouth had other plans, "where are we going?" I said like my mouth had no filter and at this point I started to hate myself, again not expecting a response, so I was a bit taken aback when my mother slowly replied, "our new home"  her answer only raised more questions, but this time with a protective and concerned filter, I decided not to ask.
 I drifted off to sleep, the journey and exhaustion overcame my curiosity, when I woke Mum was parking the car in front of a huge house, then I knew where we were, it was my nan's old house, I hadn't been here in years, my nan stopped talking to my mother after the last time my parents got back together, she knew he was no good and eventually said make your choice , him or me, probably thinking my mum would make the smart choice and pick the woman who brought her in to this world. But when my mother chose him again then my Nan washed her hands of the whole situation and told her not to come back.  Mother’s bad decision somehow began nan's decline and the heartbreak of watching another human being choosing abuse over love was a rejection to far for her, she died  in this house we were outside alone and lonely a shadow of the  proud woman she once was.
As I walked to the front door the house seemed much smaller then I remembered, as I stepped inside I felt the cold emotional memories of the betrayal of nan's wisdom and how life would have been so different if we had never left. The interior matched the feelings, no pictures, no lived in homely feel, Just dingy white walls all throughout the house, as I walked down the hall I went in each room, nothing unusual just a couple bedrooms, a bathroom and some cupboards. Everywhere I looked in the house was in desperate need of fixing up and modernizing but nowhere close to un-livable, so I guess that if we were staying here then we had our work cut out for us.

Dinosaur Grief.

So seeing as how i asked people on my blogs Facebook page, what they wanted me to do for my next post and no one commented. (which made me feel like and idiot)  I have decided to do what ever the hell I want so I am going to show you some more of my crazy, random and possibly worrying doodles. from the past couple of months. Because its been a while and i felt like it.

OK here we go...

this first one was originally supposed to be a portrait of me, but it looks like a forty year old nerd man that lives with his mum so..... nailed it!

the next is a drawing of a happy dinosaur (wouldn't be so happy if he knew all his loved ones died in a meteor shower 65 million years ago)

i call this one creepy magician and his upside down uni brow sidekick (catchy title)

i really like this one, i also like to think he is an Amish alien (see the slight beard) and lives his simple ways .

 this one is a pig drinking a beverage of some kind (possibly milkshake but unconfirmed)

this is two dog weasels like things flying an airplane  (might be a bit hard to see because of the angle)

the next one i'm gonna be honest, i drew the hand first then added a cool arm/body. i feel i messed up on the head, then i couldn't recreate the hand on the other side so i gave up.

And finally another dinosaur (this one is aware of the death of all his loved ones but is ok with it, he had some counselling and then he found a girlfriend and worked though some stuff and seems to be doing well. but you know one day at a time)   :D

the end.

Sick Day

Today doesn't feel like a work day, you know those days you just cant quite picture getting out of bed. and the thought of work is something that you don't see happening, well today feels like one of those days.

[20th of Jan 1994]

I rolled out of bed, before my feet hit the floor I was already rehearsing the call to my boss, and running through believable excuses. Trying to find something serious enough that I can’t come in, but not so serious that I could still be in tomorrow. It also had to be something that wouldn't have a lot of follow up questions, or any long term lying like the death of a fictional aunt.

As I picked up the phone it was oddly warm and I slowly lifted it to my ear to give myself a second to wake up and get in to the character of sick employee. But as the phone got closer to my ear I heard someone sobbing. Someone was on the line.

Fire

I turned away and walked through the rain. I looked back at what I had done one last time, and took a polaroid, knowing it wouldn’t last forever I wanted to remember the occasion, I could hear sirens coming around the corner, I ran. But didn’t get far. Someone blindsided me I was tackled to the ground “I didn’t get this far to be stopped by some do good citizen”, I punched him in the face and scrambled to my feet and started to run, when I heard him getting up, so I turned back and stamped his head in with my size ten Nikes. I heard a distinct cracking and saw blood pour from his face. I quickly swapped my shoes with a dead man and kept running. 

Ignorance towards Anxiety.

This post below is a status written by a friend of mine about social anxiety.

Which i have been suffering from for years, but only realized what i was dealing with in the last 3 years and starting confronting it.

Me and this girl were pretty good friends but never spoke about this maybe if i had been taught about what i was dealing with in school then me and her would have spoken up and been able to overcome this sooner and enjoyed our education a bit more.

"Through school and college, I got told that I was just a 'shy person' and 'everyone gets like that' and that I just had 'low confidence' this was by teachers, family & friends. I'm not thinking negatively of them, because there's no way they could tell it was something else, on the outside i looked fine to them.
This made me think that what I was going through, was something everyone went through and i would get over it. It meant I went everyday over-thinking things. 
For example, getting on a bus I would dread daily, I would get on and try to find a seat as quickly as possible, I didn't look at anyone, in-case someone I knew was on and it triggered an awkward conversation. 
I always made sure I was early for classes, so I didn't have to walk into a full classroom and have everyone turn and look at me.
At college I would take the route over the top of the common room just so I didn't have to walk through past all the groups of people in there.
There's so many little things which became a routine, and it was mentally tiring. 
At the start of college, I found out we had to do presentations every project, I went and told them that I wouldn't be able to do it. My teacher said "don't worry, by the end of this course you will love doing them!" Obviously he was joking around, but I guess it gave me a bit of hope, thinking that maybe this is how I'm going to grow out of if. Of course I didn't, my presentations just got shorter and shorter and I didn't care what grade I got, I just wanted it over and done with ASAP. 
The start of second term, of the second year, I went to the doctors about it, and he told me its most probably anxiety. I always thought anxiety was something really serious, because I was never really taught about it. But he gave me some drugs which I was meant to take before anything that caused me to be anxious, happened. I tried to, but soon realised that its difficult to judge because I was feeling so anxious all the time I started to forget what the normal me felt like. 
I got through college I guess. The worst came after college and summer, where I'm not going to go into detail, but I was jobless, most of my friends had gone to uni, or had jobs, I had no job, I stayed at home a lot because of this, I started to dread seeing people more and more, I sunk into depression, was stuck there from September till January. Then I figured that I needed help with everything and managed to go to the doctors. Out of all the appointments I went to, I think there was only one where I didn't cry, which was the last one I had. 
I got put on counselling, and actually got offered a lot of help. Anyways eventually I got to a 'stable state' where I could cope with things. 
I guess you are wondering why I made this status? Because people with anxiety don't talk about much at all, because, well they have anxiety, we are scared of being judged because that's embarrassing, and embarrassing situations can trigger a panic attack. I personally think they should do more about mental health in school, I feel that if I'd figured out what was wrong earlier, then it wouldn't have developed into a bigger mess. 
Mental illnesses should be taken more seriously, because forcing me to 'grin and bear it' through school and college, I think just made it worse, it just gave me more things to worry about. 
Anyways end of long status, hopefully I honestly wish more people could understand it. Just because I look okay doesn't mean I am. Just because anyone looks okay doesn't mean they are".

Next time you talk to someone just be a bit nicer because you never know what they have going on in their own head.

If you are reading this and can relate to what is written then just talk to someone, your parent, a doctor your school counsellor even talk to your friend let them know, if they are a true friend they will understand and then you wont have to be alone anymore left to over-think things.

Also school and college can be difficult anyway no matter what, so just remember its not permanent and you can get though this but you will have to do it one day at a time no matter how hard.

Try to deal with what you are going though instead of living with it and hiding from it.

I'm The Lucky One.

I am ungrateful. And if you are reading this then I bet you are to. (Sometimes)

Every day I wake up and squander another day, and millions of people didn't even get to see the morning, someone I know has a friend that has been given the weekend to live. Chances are as I am typing this he could very well be taking his last breath.

All over the world people are dying and all I am concerned with is seeing a film at the cinema or buying the new Stooshe album, now don’t get me wrong I'm not saying I shouldn't do the little things I enjoy and I'm not saying people should constantly only think in terms like this, but I think it is so important that you remember there are much bigger things in life, so next time you are annoyed at your parents that they didn't do that thing you asked them or get that think you wanted, or maybe next time you pass a homeless person in the street, would it really hurt you to give a pound or two or even if you have it to spare £5, because really in the big picture that won’t affect your life to give but it will help them so much.

Maybe just every once in a while just think how good you have it, like really you and I are so, so lucky that we have somewhere warm at night to lay our head and we have people that love us.  We are lucky we have the choice at an education and we are so lucky that we open our eyes today because not everyone will be that lucky.

Saying life is short is a cliché so I won’t say that. but I will say that each day you live is important so don’t squander it. I will try to do the same.

“Just tell yourself, Duckie, you're real quite lucky.” ― Dr. Seuss

The Horse (Creative Writing Story)

Well, well, well so we meet again. just kidding I don’t want to meet you, that’s why I'm writing this blog so you can feel like you’re spending time with me, but without me having to have your disgusting face anywhere near me.

So anyway I was reading a book (with actual pages  you have to turn and everything. old school I know) and I saw some creative writing sentence starters, (if you don’t know what that is, then look it up I don’t have time to explain everything to you. I'm not fucking Google).

The sentence starter was: The horse was lame and bleeding all on the right side…

In the book, one condition of the sentence starters was time yourself and after ten minutes you need to finish up and put your pencils down.

And this is what I wrote

The horse was lame and bleeding all on the right side… I wanted to change the channel but there was nothing else on, it was this or “the hoobs” I should have really gone to sleep but now I was hooked. How will animal cops Houston save this horse?

Its 3am and I have to be up at 6am, for my first day on the road to becoming a Pokémon master… nah I’m just kidding I have to be up at 6am because we are moving to Russia, Moscow to be more precise. I don’t really want to go but since my dad’s job let him go, we have to move in with my nana. Which would be bad enough, but on top of it all I have to start all over again with my whole life. Which if you had asked me last month it would have been fine. But this month everything changed, I will tell you later what happened, but for now I am going to sleep. They saved the horse by the way.

That is what I wrote in ten minutes and I don’t know if I should continue, so if you like it let me know, by either writing a comment on this blog, my Facebook page (for my blog) or tweet me. And if you don’t want me to carry on then, just stay silent I guess.

Ok, well Toodles.