Self care

Do you ever feel yourself getting bad again?

Old habits and coping mechanisms creeping back in?

I think I’m slipping a little, not much. But I’m finding I’m having more bad days then I’ve had in a while. I'm panicking again about things I thought I’d managed to overcome.

 I’m aware that mental health isn’t like a qualification and once you’re in a good place, that’s it and you never have to struggle again. But I can’t help but feel frustrated at myself for slipping.

 I’m eating junk again knowing how hard it was to lose all this weight. (Even as I write this I’m taking a bite of a reduced Easter egg) getting out of bed feel harder again, I’m napping more and not going outside as much.

I cant tell if this is just a blip, maybe a bad week or so and would have happened regardless, or on some subconscious level I’m reverting to old habits because other aspects of my life are changing quite rapidly and I need comfort?

Self-care is something I’ve become more aware of as I try to adjust my mental health and the way I perceive myself in the world, but all my self care and coping strategies involve things that in moderation are fine  (sleep, food, alone time) but too much and it becomes unhealthy. I suppose writing this is helping me realise what I’ve been trying to hide from myself for a while. I am trying to be the best me I can and on days I feel good and motivated it’s easy.

I guess all I’m trying to say in this ramble is I’m struggling for now, but I’m not giving up on myself. Just admitting that its not easy and self-care is harder than it looks from the outside, so if you see someone that is acting not quite themselves, give them time, maybe they have a different way of coping with things then you do, but don’t be afraid to talk about it with them. The more we talk about these issues the less alone people will feel if they need to reach out. I’m extremely lucky I have a fantastic support system of friends and family I can lean on, but not everyone has that, or maybe feels like they don’t.

 

I’m sure now I have written this and recognise my patterns that I’ll come out the other side in a few days or so, I’m not going to pressure myself to be ok and if I’m not then I’ll ask for help because I know I cant solve everything alone. No one can.

Lego Story Part One Sabrina's story.

Ok to start this story, you may choose to read this prelude that will ultimately help you understand what the fuck is going on.

Prelude

This story begins many moons ago (yesterday) 20/3/17 will take us through and span the ages. Once in the distant second part of the UK somewhere in Leeds I think, a boy took a girl in to a Lego store to create 3 epic Lego people. so the boy made one, the girl made the other and together (but mostly the girl) created the third, which they would share.

With the Lego people created all that was left was the inevitable backstories that went along with each character. The story that follows are the stories for said characters.

Story 1.

The couples creation.

Once in the distant reaches of space lived a woman that travelled through time and space in a box that was similar to, but legally different from a famous British blue police box. In this box she went to a particular moment that now thanks to her is a very famous moment in history, you will know them as the Salem witch trials but before she landed in Salem it was just known as Tuesday.

Not long after her arrival she was noticed my the mysterious mayor of the little town, she grew to like him and confided in him that she was from beyond the stars, this only made him like her more and after a whirlwind courtship and romance they fell madly in love and created a life together, the couple had a child, a little girl. They couldn't be happier, but this wouldn't last long. For the mayor had a secret too that was about to be uncovered. One night in the throws of a terrible thunderstorm, the wife was restless, she couldn't sleep and worried that their house might not make it through the night in one piece, she rolled over to wake her husband but he wasn't laying next to her, she got up to see if he was concerned about the house too, but when she entered the living space she saw something that shook her to her core.

Her husband had a young man lifted off the ground struggling to break free from the grip around his neck, the husband was just about to lean in closer and finish his victim by biting his neck, with sharp fangs that suddenly grew larger the closer he leaned in to his victim. She screamed "aaaaaaahhhhh" and ran out the room, to grab her daughter and escape. She scooped her child up in her arms and ran to the woods to hide. Days after the ordeal, she had to go back to town to stock up on supplies for her and her daughter, she knew she couldn't stay in the woods forever and she planned to take the child north, towards Hawaii then it was only a short trip to the U.K. Which she heard was the place a DOCTOR, WHO we won't name, spent most of his time.

she stealthily approached the town and turned the corner to her house suddenly a huge roar of a crowd was all that could be heard, she hugged her daughter tighter in her arms but it was too late she had started crying she had no way to calm the child and quiet her as the shouts and yells of towns people got closer. she could finally make out the chants "burn the witch! Burn the witch!" She stumbled backwards in shock suddenly she felt someone behind her, she tried to turn. they struck the side of her head hard and she crumbled to the floor dropping her baby in the dirt still wailing.

When she came to she was slumped in a chair, in front on the mayor and rest of the town, apparently all of them waiting for her to regain consciousness. No sooner had her eyes opened to register the scene taking place, did the mayor start his speech and slander, that he had clearly been feeding the town during her absence, he continued on making accusations of her witchcraft while she was too woozy and shocked to defend herself. It didn't matter anyway, she wasn't given a chance to say her side of the story, as soon as the mayor finished his final word. She was dragged out of her chair to be taken to a stake in the centre of town. She struggled to break free, screaming for her baby, her innocence and the truth about the mayor. But no on listened. She was burned alive as the mayor held his daughter to watch.

Although the child was far too young to understand what she was witnessing, many people say that this is the day evil crept in to the young child's heart and soul. Changing her and the way she saw the world forever.

The child grew up twisted and bitter, feeling no love for her father and never knowing her mother. She isolated her self, choosing to spend her most of her days in the solitude of the woods, on her 15th birthday she caught a terrible cold, fighting through the fever that accompanied she started having terrible vivid nightmares of fire and screaming. Delirious she tried to get out of bed for help, she stumbled through the house and collapsed outside the front door, she woke the next morning in the wood she had walked through so many times before, but this time it felt different, as though it was watching her. For the first time in her life she wanted to leave and find her father,  just as she rose to her feet she heard a whooshing noise that some people may choose to imagine is similar to the noise from a classic British sci-fi drama. But if you did that it is entirely your doing so and not suggested and recommend by the author of this story. Then there in front of her was a legally different looking time travel box that may or may not have been bigger on the inside, it's doors opened for her and she stepped inside.

End of Part One.