Dinosaur Grief.

So seeing as how i asked people on my blogs Facebook page, what they wanted me to do for my next post and no one commented. (which made me feel like and idiot)  I have decided to do what ever the hell I want so I am going to show you some more of my crazy, random and possibly worrying doodles. from the past couple of months. Because its been a while and i felt like it.

OK here we go...

this first one was originally supposed to be a portrait of me, but it looks like a forty year old nerd man that lives with his mum so..... nailed it!

the next is a drawing of a happy dinosaur (wouldn't be so happy if he knew all his loved ones died in a meteor shower 65 million years ago)

i call this one creepy magician and his upside down uni brow sidekick (catchy title)

i really like this one, i also like to think he is an Amish alien (see the slight beard) and lives his simple ways .

 this one is a pig drinking a beverage of some kind (possibly milkshake but unconfirmed)

this is two dog weasels like things flying an airplane  (might be a bit hard to see because of the angle)

the next one i'm gonna be honest, i drew the hand first then added a cool arm/body. i feel i messed up on the head, then i couldn't recreate the hand on the other side so i gave up.

And finally another dinosaur (this one is aware of the death of all his loved ones but is ok with it, he had some counselling and then he found a girlfriend and worked though some stuff and seems to be doing well. but you know one day at a time)   :D

the end.

Sick Day

Today doesn't feel like a work day, you know those days you just cant quite picture getting out of bed. and the thought of work is something that you don't see happening, well today feels like one of those days.

[20th of Jan 1994]

I rolled out of bed, before my feet hit the floor I was already rehearsing the call to my boss, and running through believable excuses. Trying to find something serious enough that I can’t come in, but not so serious that I could still be in tomorrow. It also had to be something that wouldn't have a lot of follow up questions, or any long term lying like the death of a fictional aunt.

As I picked up the phone it was oddly warm and I slowly lifted it to my ear to give myself a second to wake up and get in to the character of sick employee. But as the phone got closer to my ear I heard someone sobbing. Someone was on the line.

Fire

I turned away and walked through the rain. I looked back at what I had done one last time, and took a polaroid, knowing it wouldn’t last forever I wanted to remember the occasion, I could hear sirens coming around the corner, I ran. But didn’t get far. Someone blindsided me I was tackled to the ground “I didn’t get this far to be stopped by some do good citizen”, I punched him in the face and scrambled to my feet and started to run, when I heard him getting up, so I turned back and stamped his head in with my size ten Nikes. I heard a distinct cracking and saw blood pour from his face. I quickly swapped my shoes with a dead man and kept running. 

Ignorance towards Anxiety.

This post below is a status written by a friend of mine about social anxiety.

Which i have been suffering from for years, but only realized what i was dealing with in the last 3 years and starting confronting it.

Me and this girl were pretty good friends but never spoke about this maybe if i had been taught about what i was dealing with in school then me and her would have spoken up and been able to overcome this sooner and enjoyed our education a bit more.

"Through school and college, I got told that I was just a 'shy person' and 'everyone gets like that' and that I just had 'low confidence' this was by teachers, family & friends. I'm not thinking negatively of them, because there's no way they could tell it was something else, on the outside i looked fine to them.
This made me think that what I was going through, was something everyone went through and i would get over it. It meant I went everyday over-thinking things. 
For example, getting on a bus I would dread daily, I would get on and try to find a seat as quickly as possible, I didn't look at anyone, in-case someone I knew was on and it triggered an awkward conversation. 
I always made sure I was early for classes, so I didn't have to walk into a full classroom and have everyone turn and look at me.
At college I would take the route over the top of the common room just so I didn't have to walk through past all the groups of people in there.
There's so many little things which became a routine, and it was mentally tiring. 
At the start of college, I found out we had to do presentations every project, I went and told them that I wouldn't be able to do it. My teacher said "don't worry, by the end of this course you will love doing them!" Obviously he was joking around, but I guess it gave me a bit of hope, thinking that maybe this is how I'm going to grow out of if. Of course I didn't, my presentations just got shorter and shorter and I didn't care what grade I got, I just wanted it over and done with ASAP. 
The start of second term, of the second year, I went to the doctors about it, and he told me its most probably anxiety. I always thought anxiety was something really serious, because I was never really taught about it. But he gave me some drugs which I was meant to take before anything that caused me to be anxious, happened. I tried to, but soon realised that its difficult to judge because I was feeling so anxious all the time I started to forget what the normal me felt like. 
I got through college I guess. The worst came after college and summer, where I'm not going to go into detail, but I was jobless, most of my friends had gone to uni, or had jobs, I had no job, I stayed at home a lot because of this, I started to dread seeing people more and more, I sunk into depression, was stuck there from September till January. Then I figured that I needed help with everything and managed to go to the doctors. Out of all the appointments I went to, I think there was only one where I didn't cry, which was the last one I had. 
I got put on counselling, and actually got offered a lot of help. Anyways eventually I got to a 'stable state' where I could cope with things. 
I guess you are wondering why I made this status? Because people with anxiety don't talk about much at all, because, well they have anxiety, we are scared of being judged because that's embarrassing, and embarrassing situations can trigger a panic attack. I personally think they should do more about mental health in school, I feel that if I'd figured out what was wrong earlier, then it wouldn't have developed into a bigger mess. 
Mental illnesses should be taken more seriously, because forcing me to 'grin and bear it' through school and college, I think just made it worse, it just gave me more things to worry about. 
Anyways end of long status, hopefully I honestly wish more people could understand it. Just because I look okay doesn't mean I am. Just because anyone looks okay doesn't mean they are".

Next time you talk to someone just be a bit nicer because you never know what they have going on in their own head.

If you are reading this and can relate to what is written then just talk to someone, your parent, a doctor your school counsellor even talk to your friend let them know, if they are a true friend they will understand and then you wont have to be alone anymore left to over-think things.

Also school and college can be difficult anyway no matter what, so just remember its not permanent and you can get though this but you will have to do it one day at a time no matter how hard.

Try to deal with what you are going though instead of living with it and hiding from it.