It all started a few weeks ago, I started to go to the gym each Friday afternoon with my friend Immy, and I was looking for a way to step up my exercise and weight loss, I saw that the leisure center does a few spinning classes a week so me and Immy signed up for one on Sunday morning 9;30-10;15 sounds harmless enough. Big mistake.
I woke up at seven and wanted to shoot myself in the face.
I could hear the wind and rain outside my window, and knew I wanted to go back in time and stop myself signing up for this. But I lack the ability to time travel (for now) I got up and got ready, by time I got there and me and Immy walked through to the room, I instantly wanted to pretend I had got the wrong room and do a 180 out of there, but I couldn't (I had paid £5.40) so we picked out some bikes at the back of the room and had to commit to this.
I knew I was going to struggle to keep up with the others before I even signed up, but I didn't know I would fail to keep up to quite the degree that happened. After the warm up song (Adele rolling in the deep) I started to feel like my legs hurt (and in my opinion that was quite the work out) then we moved on to a standing song (black eyed peas pump it) we had to stand and cycle for the entire duration, and let me just tell you now that was the only song I was able to stand for, after that my entire body was coated in sweat and my face had already gone through the whole spectrum of shades of red. I was too weak to lean forward and hold the handles so I just sat and let my arms dangle from my sides, they felt to heavy to lift.
Immy at this point was keeping up pretty well, so I felt even more out of shape and awkward. After another song, some random mix of beats that barely counts as a song. I was seriously contemplating making up an excuse to get out of there (either fake call about a family emergency or I do a Gillian Mckeith and "faint") because at this point I still had a half hour left... but i didn't do a Gillian, I stayed.
The person running this class (clearly seeing me struggle) got off her bike at the front and came over, I thought for words of encouragement, but no.
"You need to increase the resistance"
I thought, what the fuck did she just say?
I feel like i'm peddling through wet cement as it is and you want me to make it more difficult?
I felt like saying just a flat out "no" and see how she reacts but I didn't, I just nodded and did as she said, partly out of shyness but more because I could barley breathe at this point let alone speak. As soon as she turned back to go to the front I turned it back down.
After another 10 minutes of torture I could see Immy starting to go the same shade of red I was and knew she hated it as much as me, at which point I started to make sarcastic remarks to lighten our mood and generally make light of the self inflicted punishment we were going through, then the instructor informed the class that we would be doing "bounces" to which I semi whispered to Immy "what the fuck are bounces?" turns out I didn't have to wonder for long.
Bounces are standing and peddling for two seconds then sitting down for four seconds, this went on for two minutes (1 minutes and 50 seconds too long in my opinion)
I had long given up on listening to what we were supposed to do and focused more on trying to ignore the excruciating pain in my legs and lungs, but it was cool. I knew that in a little while this would all be a funny (if not slightly painful) memory instead of the horrific present I was living in.
When the music stopped and the instructor said we were all finished. I felt like crying with joy, but I kept a cool (slightly sweaty) composure I got off the bike which had given me the worst ass ache ever, and stepped forward to leave, but then she started leading everyone in some stretching poses I couldn't believe it, I thought it was over. I felt like I was at the finish line then some one ran ahead and moved the line. I did the poses to the best of my ability and tried not to laugh at my failure in a room full of serious spinning professionals. Then as soon as we could leave Immy and me walked (I hobbled) out of there vowing never to go back.
The End.
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